I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
