i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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