Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
