i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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