id be glad to
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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