I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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