Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
