I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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