No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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