Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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