At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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