If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
