That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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