New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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