I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
