You work out of a Hotel?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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