I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
