don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
