Only a mothe r could love this liver
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
