She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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