I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
then he tried to convert me to islam
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
