Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize