I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
