escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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