i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
