I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
