Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
