I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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