he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
