dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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