he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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