Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
