if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize