youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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