Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Randomize
