Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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