I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
