meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Non-Jews are for practice
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
