every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
