dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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