no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
