I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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