i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
