I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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