onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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