yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
