Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
