What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
