WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize