it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
