Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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