My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
