life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
