He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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