If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
even my farts smell like vagina
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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