Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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