Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
And then my night got REAL pukey
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
