Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
