You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
