he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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