I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
