I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
