and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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