I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize