Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
