it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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