I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Randomize
