Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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