You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize