Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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