these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
