i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
