Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
