haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
he fucked my hip out of place.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
