i need an iv and a liver transplant
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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