I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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