Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You're a waste of cheezeits
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
