it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
