i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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