his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
