So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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