I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
