your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
