I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
