Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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