They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
My feet surprised me
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