if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
