We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I will pee on everything he values.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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