Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
