Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
