Yo dont text me then not text me
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
