So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He did a backflip because drugs
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
