Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
A bitchslap is in order.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
