Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
