How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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