I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
