watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
