it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just threw up on my dentist
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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