Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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