please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
