My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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