I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I have feelings that need drinking.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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