i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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