I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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